by Eli Evans
An otherwise run-of-the-mill man dreamed he was reading a book in which the following series of events took place:
- He returned from the Revolution
- She received him lustfully
- He endeavored to satisfy her in an unorthodox manner
- She farted at an inopportune moment
- He lost his erection
- They quarreled
Upon awakening, the man regarded his wife (sleeping soundly in the bed beside him) with suspicion. At last, she opened one eye and said:
“Cut it out. You and I both know you don’t have a revolutionary bone in your body, not to mention the fact that, as a lover, your lack of creativity is matched only by your lack of ambition.”
“All true,” admitted the man. “Plus, who can say for certain that the characters in the book were supposed to be us? After all, it was written from the third person point-of-view, and furthermore without the use of any proper names.”
And then: “Hey, wait a second. How do you know what I was dreaming?”
“Simple,” replied his wife. “You’re still dreaming.”
At that, the man suddenly woke up – this time to find his wife, dressed in the uniform of the Revolution, pointing a pistol at his forehead.
“Do you know what it means if you wake up from a dream without actually waking up?” she asked him.
“No,” he said. “What?”
“That you’re dead,” she said, and pulled the trigger.
At that, the man woke up (but not actually).
Eli S. Evans has published work in the last several months or will publish work in the next few months in Maudlin House, Cowboy Jamboree, (mic)ro(mac), The Dribble Drabble, Queen Mob's Teahouse (RIP), MacQueen's Quinterly, Sublunary Review, and A Thin Slice of Anxiety, among others. A small book of small stories, Obscure & Irregular, can be purchased via Moon Rabbit Books & Ephemera or the usual online retail and distribution behemoths. A larger book of smaller stories is forthcoming from the same just in time for we're not yet sure which holiday, but possibly National No Pants Day on May 1st.