JAKE has submission guidelines, but if the work is good enough, then JAKE could give a shit what he called for:
JAKE is looking for short stories of a literary or experimental stripe, regardless of the genre, between 2000-7000 words. JAKE’s sweet spot is right in the middle at 3500, but as you can tell, he isn’t that picky with breaking the mold.
JAKE can appreciate a good real life story every once in a while. Send him between 2000-7000 words (but preferably around 3500), just like for fiction, and he’ll see what he can do.
JAKE will also take your measly, little stories of 1000 words or under, attached up to three at a time in the same doc.
JAKE doesn’t know shit about poetry, but will take submissions of up to three poems totally roughly 10 pages or less. Poetry longer than that scares him, since he doesn’t actually know how to read.
JAKE loves the pretty pictures. Send up to three of your best pieces to be selected as possible pairings with the words JAKE certainly won’t actually read.
Thinking can be hard for JAKE sometimes, so he’s welcome to steal any thoughts you leave out on the kitchen table for him overnight. It’s only fair.
JAKE may be a rebel to the rules, but Jake’s not an asshole either. Any work that JAKE determines to be racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, or bigoted in any other way will be punted off a bridge like the Jack Black biker did to that dog in Anchorman. Any author JAKE finds engaging with these practices will be issued a warning about it in their rejection, with a second offense meaning JAKE’ll put you on an internal DO NOT PUBLISH list. Jake takes this shit seriously, and will not debate the extent of the offense. So don’t be a dick; JAKE’ll know.