STREAMING

by Benjamin Drevlow

Last night I have a dream that my wife got up in front of all her friends at our Christmas party humiliating me by telling them how much time it takes me surfing through every movie and show on Netflix, HBO Max, Apple TV, Paramount, and Peacock to finally go back to the last thing I watched in the first place.

Then when I tell her about it and how traumatizing the dream was, she says, that’s funny. 

She says it in a way that made me realize that she actually did think this about me and it did kind of annoy her but she just never said anything so as not to hurt my feelings.

Which then hurts my feelings.

And makes me insecure about my surfing of streaming services and my choice fatigue.

So then I stopped surfing and just watched the thing I’d just gotten done watching.

Which was a limited Swedish series about a lady cop who doesn’t take shit but also doesn’t have a very good relationship with her son or her adopted son or really anybody else in the show, but goddamn she’s gonna solve the case if it kills her, and her son, and her adopted son and really anybody else in the show.

I think it probably annoys the shit out of my wife having to listen to all my scandinavian female detective shows.

But at least now she can’t say anything because I’m not surfing all the different streaming services anymore.

And because I think she can tell she really hurt my feelings with thinking my dream about her humiliating me was actually funny.

This is why I love my wife. 

She knows me and only ever really humiliates me in my dreams. 

And because I don’t have any friends of my own.

drevlow is EIC of BULL and poet laureate of bullshit, usa. You can check out more of his bullshit at thedrevlow-olsonshow.com or on twitter, insta, face, bsky, & threads @thedrevlow