another blue lemon please

not now / but then i was solid, unmoving. my juice / just cherry, sugar only in my dreams. // my body was not mine but it was / beautiful. not then but before / i let your hand guide me / not before but now i find myself / reaching. growing must be / inevitable but i’m counting the days / until bleach— or spring. our will they / won’t they will go down / in history. not a text but recording / of a live left unlived. / not a video but the feed / not food but the tongue / licking wound / lining a stomach / scraping the tines of a fork against teeth / i don’t expect / to make it out alive but i want / pleasure from death. press your lips / against my skin, let me feel / your sharp bite. take a bit / from my flesh, leave your mark / in my groove. i want to ache / in your hands, i want my body / to dissolve. i want to press / my small hand / against your belly, where i live.