Against a Handful
by Grant Young
I was introduced to a handful’s ambiguity during a 2nd grade math lesson. We were practicing multiplication with the help of dehydrated grapes.
“Okay class, open up your boxes and pour out a handful onto your desk.”
Easy enough. I ripped open my one ounce, firetruck red box of Sun-Maid raisins and emptied its contents into my hand. There had to be at least 50.
I looked to my left at Keeley, my tablemate and first ever crush, who had about a dozen raisins scattered across our tan rectangular table.
“Why didn’t you pour out all your raisins like I did?” I asked.
“Ms. Helland told us just a handful.”
I looked down at my raisin cache. “But this is a handful, right? It fits in my hand.”
Keeley raised her hand, bringing over Ms. Helland as fast as her yellow high heels would let her. Keeley was Ms. Helland’s favorite student.
“What’s the matter, sweetie? Is Grant bothering you again?”
Ms. Helland didn’t like me because I told my classmates her first name was Kitty. Which was true. She just didn’t want her eight-year-old students to know it.
“No. We just want to know how many raisins we need.”
Ms. Helland looked at Keeley’s hand, then to mine.
“You’ve got it right, hon,” Kitty placed a hand on her blonde hair. “I don’t know why Grant is holding so many.”
Keeley looked at me sheepishly while I cradled my handful of raisins like a fool.
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There’s no Wikipedia page for ‘handful’. But there is a brief entry of it on Wiktionary, Wikipedia's sister site, with several definitions of what ‘a handful’ could mean:
handful (plural handfuls or handsful)
- The amount that a hand will grasp or contain.
- (obsolete) A hand’s breadth; four inches.
- A small number, usually approximately five.
- A group or number of things; a bunch.
- (colloquial) Something which can only be managed with difficulty.
Here lies my issue. ‘A handful’ is subjective. And when used correctly, it fails to describe a quantity with precision. Which can lead to confusion, embarrassment, and far too many raisins.
For example, take Wiktionary’s first definition: The amount that a hand will grasp or contain. Whose hand? Mine?
Which leads to the second definition: A hand's breadth; four inches. My hand’s breadth is three and five eighths’ inches wide—less than Wiktionary’s four-inch average. But I Googled average hand width and Wiktionary lied. An average man’s hand width is really three and a half inches, and a bit over three for women. In other words, Wiktionary’s four-inch breadth is wider than the average handful.
Definition three: A small number, usually approximately five. Usually. Approximately. Five. Five what? Golf balls? Taco Bell diablo sauce packets? I know damn well it isn’t five raisins, because I could fit fifty of those in my 2nd grade hand.
Therefore ‘a handful’ can mean any number between 5-50. But what about the singular objects that fill a hand by themselves? A water bottle, for instance. Or a hand grenade. I haven’t held a hand grenade, but I know I couldn’t hold two hand grenades in one hand. Perhaps it should be called a handful grenade. Thus, ‘a handful’ now means any number from 1-50. What good is that?
Besides, does ‘a handful’ imply that the hand can close around the object being held? Or is it purely a palms-open scenario?
Wiktionary definition number four: A group or number of things; a bunch. This is an apt segue to another issue. Groups of people often get called ‘a handful’—which makes no sense. I’ve never seen an adult that fits in a hand, let alone multiple. So why is ‘a handful’ used interchangeably with ‘a group’ when referring to people?
A newborn baby could fit in a hand, but only with an open palm. Though I’m not convinced this is enough to deem babies a literal handful. Besides, anyone who holds a baby with one hand shouldn’t be holding babies.
Babies can be a handful—in an abstract sense. Which is what the fifth Wiktionary definition alludes to: something which can only be managed with difficulty. This is the sole ‘handful’ definition I accept. When one has their hands full, it means they’re already occupied and/or can’t function properly. So I can get behind calling someone a handful if it means that person is difficult to manage. I know plenty of babies and adults worthy of this title.
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A divide between Keeley and I was created that day in 2nd grade. One that ended any hope for our budding relationship and, as a result, kickstarted my lifelong disdain for a handful.
But what I’ve learned through this analysis is that specificity isn’t always necessary, and ambiguity can be beneficial. A handful is reliable, forgiving, and asks questions when it doesn’t have an answer. Even though I’m loathe to admit it, a handful holds value.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m still against a handful. But perhaps I shouldn’t blame a phrase for my first elementary school romance falling through.
After all, it wasn’t ‘a handful’ that didn’t specify how many raisins we needed for multiplication practice. It was Kitty Helland.
Grant Young (he/his) is the founding editor of Clinch, a literary magazine for the martial arts. His work has been published by HAD, Idle Ink, and The Twin Bill. You can find him at his website https://grant-young.com