This Poem Does Not Contain Peanuts
It has not been manufactured on equipment used to process peanuts and should be considered peanut-free.
by Tom Busillo
This poem does not contain peanuts. It has not been manufactured on equipment used
to process peanuts and should be considered peanut-free.
It is not responsible for strangulation caused by unusual circumstances and bears no
responsibility for improper consumption of poultry, pork, beef, fish, vegetables, nuts or
legumes.
This poem is not responsible for broken windshields.
Children under 8 yrs. can become confused by this poem and may begin crying. Adult
supervision is required.
This poem is not recommended for use in hot tubs or to absorb any oil or lotions in the
water. It has no filtering or chemical bonding properties. The contents of this poem
should not be fed to fish. Use of this poem in shallow water should generally not result
in immediate and life-threatening injuries but is also not recommended.
This poem will not expose you to one or more chemicals known to cause difficulty
breathing. It is not required to drain moisture from this poem on a daily basis.
To ensure the most efficient operation of this poem, visually check that there are no
opaque objects in front of any portions of the poem. If there are, please remove them
and keep them away until you are finished reading it.
This poem has not been rated Microwave oven-safe. Wearing this poem as a cape does
not enable you to fly. This poem should not be used as a parachute or means of air
travel. This poem is not intended to take the place of a scalpel or laser during surgery. It
also has no known anesthetic properties.
This poem does not provide any information on homeland security threats or alerts.
This poem should not be used as a source for ocean water or air quality information. It
does not come with an expiration date and there should be no concern that an
expiration date has been erased or tampered with to encourage consumption of this
poem.
If you do not tan in the sun, you are unlikely to tan from reading this poem. This poem
does not reduce blood flow to the limbs. Reading this poem while driving a car or
operating heavy machinery is not recommended.
Consider yourself warned.
Tom Busillo’s writing has appeared on McSweeney’s, PANK, and Weird Lit, among others, with additional work forthcoming in Calliope. When he's not writing, he likes playing acoustic guitar and attempting to sing Leonard Cohen and Magnetic Fields songs He lives in Philadelphia, PA.
