Taylor Swift Releases ‘Midnights (3am Edition)’ or, My Friend and I Watch *That* Episode of BoJack Horseman

by Laurel Reynolds

I’ve felt the need to confess; I didn’t pray.
I screamed. I laughed at them from Hell and high water–

stained and choked on glass windows. I left a
haze in my wake; I wish they left

my girlhood somewhere I could recover it.

⧫

Spoiler alert: Sarah Lynn dies

in the third season

out of six.

⧫

I was dancing around to Fearless and
Glee when eyes were set on me. At nineteen,

I took a shiv to my manuscript. I blinked
and every narrative was stained with them.

⧫

I want to send my abusers a seventeen-minute mixtape with only the note:

                      It's me.

                            Hi.

⧫

I never forgot those choral pieces;
I can still sing a high A.

I can still earn praise.

⧫

If Sarah Lynn’s life was only worth five million,

mine must be pennies on the poem.

⧫

I’m tired of that vigilante shit feminism. I don’t want
to be the anti-hero in my own story.

Being bitter, bruised, and breaking never brings
anything better. I’m not a promising young woman.

⧫

I’ve been BoJack. I’ve been Penny and Sarah Lynn–
character actress Margo Martindale and Beatrice.
I’ve probably been Mr. Peanut Butter, too.

I don’t like it.

I

       don’t

                 want

                            this
⧫

I was dancing around to Fearless and
Glee when I said, “that’s too much, man.”

I burned every psalm and buried each prayer.
I screamed in parking garages for new gods.

⧫

We were paper dolls in sandstone homes.
Stop immortalizing the dust or ash;

let us stop dancing,

please.

⧫

Mygirlhood mygirlhood   mygirlhood   mygi rlhood    myg irlho  od   m ygir lho   od mygi  rlhood    my   

                    girlhood;

                                    !

⧫

I down amaretto and drown in Malibu
while listening to some hyper-pop bullshit.

I want my favorite songs back.

⧫

Their favorite female voice part was altos.

I only sing in the highest harmonies now:
    breathy,

              poppy,

                        and

                                 pretty.

⧫ ⧫ ⧫

* Italics from Midnights (3am Edition) and quote from BoJack Horseman *

⧫ ⧫

Bonus Stanza: The Mixtape Tracklist

Right Where You Left Me by Taylor Swift (4:06)
Don’t Stop Believing by The Glee Cast (3:51)
Super Fade by Fall Out Boy (3:45)
Don’t Rain on My Parade by Lea Michelle (2:44)
Don’t Stop Dancing Til the Curtain Call (Reprise) by Sarah Lynn (2:00)
Children Can’t be Sirens by Me (0:28 of me screaming)

⧫

Laurel Reynolds (she/they) is a poet who attends the University of Minnesota for English Literature. Her work often explores the connections between queerness, pop culture, trauma, and relationships. In 2019, they competed at Brave New Voices for Minnesota and made it to the semi-final rounds. Laurel’s poems have been featured at The Tower, The Current, The Incandescent Review, and TruArtSpeaks. Check them out at laurelreynolds.com!