Signs From Above

by Charles J. March III

BE SMART
DRIVE SLOW

REAR-ENDING IS 
STILL 
ILLEGAL 
IN THIS STATE

ARE YOU DRIVING A 
HUMMER, 
OR ARE YOU JUST 
HAPPY TO SEE ME?

DRIVE STONED
GET T-BONED 
(THE MUNCH /
CRUNCHIES)

DRIVE DRUNK
END UP IN MY TRUNK

DRIVE HIGH
IT’S THE ONLY WAY 
TO FLY 
(TO HEAVEN [DIE])

ONLY DRINK 
IF YOU CAN 
PASS A BLOWJOB 
(BREATHALYZER)

CLICK-IT OR 
FLICK-IT
(MY MIDDLE FINGER)

BEEP IF YOU 
WANT ME TO 
SWEAR AT YOU

HONK IF YOU
HAVE EXCESS GAS
IN YOUR YOUR TANK

ORANGE 
(CONSTRUCTION) 
IS THE NEW BLACK 
(DESTRUCTION)

THE NEXT REST AREA 
IS IN YOUR 
WATER BOTTLE

IF YOUR CAR 
DIES ON THE BRIDGE 
I’M GOING TO 
JUMP

CONGESTION AHEAD
I RECOMMEND 
SUDAFED

WATCH YOUR SPEED
(DON’T DO METH)

YOU SHOULD BE 
THE ONLY TRASH 
EXITING YOUR CAR

SMOKE A BOWL
HIT A POTHOLE

ARE YOU SLACKING?
DON'T MAKE ME 
GET THE BELT

EXPECT SNOW
ICE 
AND EVERYTHING
NICE

YOU’RE NOT SUPERMAN
AND YOUR BACK SEAT 
ISN’T A PHONE BOOTH
/ CHANGING ROOM 

GET THE BOOSTER
OR I’LL COCCKCROW A 
ROOSTER

BE SAFE
DRIVE SMART
ROLL THE WINDOWS 
DOWN AFTER YOU FART

REST IN PEACE
NOT IN THE STREETS

ROAD WORK AHEAD
PREPARE TO BE 
PISSED (NO PORTA 
POTTY ON SITE)

GO LEFT
YOU’RE NEVER RIGHT

Charles J. March III is a food porn addict from the South Side of the Windy City. His work has been upchucked (or soon will be) by Taco Bell Quarterly, Shot Glass Journal, Nauseated Drive, talking about strawberries all of the time, Eskimo Pie, Gutslut Press, etc. Less can be found at LinkedIn & SoundCloud.