Highly premenstrual thoughtpennies

If you blended my bones and made me into a pill, I think I would give you bad dreams.

I’m pretty sure the whole human race is choking on me like a fishbone.

If you wrapped me in ribbons mummy-like and then unwrapped me, you would get

approximately fifty thousand dusty ornery butterflies.

I think my ingrown leg hairs are fighting some war of attrition.

I regret to announce my acne has decided to invade the surveillance state. I’m going to find that

one archery student and she’s going to make the ice cream look like Saint Sebastian.

When you pluck off my fingernails, please make a kalimba.