Explaining the Rules to My Children

Lawyers in London have to wear a wig

made from horsehair and a long black gown.

The latter is black because barristers

are still in mourning for the death of Charles II in 1685.

In Louisiana it’s illegal to send unsolicited pizzas

In the mail or by delivery and Vermont law

dictates that women must get permission

from their husbands if they want to get false teeth.

Poland doesn’t allow the wearing of Winnie the Pooh

shirts near playgrounds and schools

due to his pantslessness. If a man and a woman

walk into a hotel in North Carolina, request

to share a room, and claim they are married

by common law they are deemed legally so.

Ladies’ underwear must be 6% cotton in Russia

which means absolutely no lace. In China it is illegal

for Buddhist monks to reincarnate after they die

unless they have been granted permission

from the government. And here?

Here you must put on your pajamas,

brush your teeth, say your prayers,

and close your eyes before bed.