Eating The Kate Sandwich at Something About Her

I came to this sandwich shop because the owners were cast members on Vanderpump Rules, and because I had family begging me to check it out. All the staff here look like prettier, younger versions of the cast of that show. Maybe that’s the LA effect, always someone younger and hungrier arriving at LAX as you speak. In between sips of cucumber water, I imagine taking the rose-adorned toothpicks that came with my sandwich and jamming them into Tom Sandoval’s eyes for what he did to Ariana. But then I get a bit of that balsamic onion marmalade and I’m back on the banquette, hands stained with aioli instead of blood. Sonny and Cher are playing over the speakers, and I think about how easy it is to hold onto and let go of love. Kate let go of Leo on that floating door to better her life, but she never forgot how he looked at her when he drew her. Ariana left her love for Sandoval behind her so she could dance and sing for millions, to give love back to those who gave it to her. There’s something about a messy, vegetarian sandwich that makes me want clean hands to hold all the love I can give and receive. Maybe I should order an olive oil cake to take back to my hotel, cradling the box in my Uber with more care than I’ve ever given to a partner, just to remember what it was like to hold onto something.