Crybaby Ferris Sucks
Baby kept costing us matches, throwing punches at opponents that missed and caught me right in the mush, tripping and accidentally hitting me with his big splash, that kind of stuff.
JAKE
My Rug
If my rug were a house it would have good bones, right?
Theatrics
I rip my mask off. Distressed, you might call my expression, if you weren’t so fucking focused on checking your goddamn phone, I am having a moment here. A figure joins me on stage. It’s just me with a megaphone, I didn’t really have time to hire someone new.
He’s Afraid of all the Happiness
He shrieks that I’m hiding fun from him because I know where he is and I won’t pretend otherwise, and groans to himself he needs to do a better job hiding—he’s so bad at it.
Melrose
I signed a one-year lease fifteen years ago, / but 3,497 auditions later, I’m still here.
Demi Moore Sighting in Brentwood
for Nicole Brown Simpson, murdered June 12, 1994
Dorothy Parker at the Algonquin
Suitors stare across the bar, singing sonnets with their eyes, as if praying for one last deadly line.