Never Meet Your Heroes

I was a bit iffy

Never Meet Your Heroes
Photo by Anastase Maragos / Unsplash

by Alex Carrigan

I got a letter in the mail that the person behind Winkie’s Diner from Mulholland Drive wanted to meet me personally. I was a bit iffy to do so; I’m not in the best shape, so I could probably have a heart attack like that guy in the movie when he saw them. Still, they actually have some amazing penmanship, and their letter promised a meaningful encounter. I booked an economy class ticket, found a hotel that wouldn’t affect my credit score too harshly, and made my way to the diner. Did you know that diner has been used in many film and television projects and is a popular tourist spot on various Hollywood bus tours? The tour guide told me so as I tucked and rolled off the bus when we drove by it. I expected to meet the person behind Winkie’s at their infamous dumpster, to take them in in all of their uncanny magnificence. Instead, I just found David Lynch there in a ghillie suit, and he called me an asshole as he sprayed me with watered down cream from a Super Soaker.

Alex Carrigan (he/him) is a Pushcart-nominated editor, poet, and critic from Alexandria, VA. He is the author of Now Let’s Get Brunch: A Collection of RuPaul’s Drag Race Twitter Poetry (Querencia Press, 2023) and May All Our Pain Be Champagne: A Collection of Real Housewives Twitter Poetry (Alien Buddha Press, 2022). He has appeared in The Broadkill Review, Sage Cigarettes, Barrelhouse, Fifth Wheel Press, Cutbow Quarterly, and more. Visit or follow him on Twitter @carriganak for more info.