Chump Change
He means my Ralph Lauren Polo, of which I have four, and my mother bought it for me last Christmas. I wore it tonight because it’s the tightest shirt I own. I tell him my pimp bought it. He can’t tell if I’m joking.
Fiction
Your Freedom, an Attempt
There was one issue, and it was that you were completely normal. So Levi Hampton had to improvise.
Snakes and Stars
They approached from opposite ends trying to find the best entrance into the labyrinth of holes and passages. They nodded to each other, and both stuck their poles in to the rock pile from separate ends. They were immediately greeted by the insidious hiss of a rattlesnake.
Thirty Minutes, Tops
Oh, I know what you’re up to. I might not know all the “unfinished business” rules (not that your lot ever bothered to tell anybody, lazy sods) but I’m in charge of my business and I’m saying that I’m not done. I shan’t be intimidated.
That hag needs to be taught a lesson and that lesson is me.
Little Nothings Inside
The gate was a custom job. Two pieces, meeting at the middle, with the guys’ wife’s initials in scrollwork on either side. It took my brother weeks to make them.
The Violet Ladder to Heaven
I read the whole Bible after she dumped me: Old and New Testament. Why the Bible? It’s probably not most people’s first choice of break-up read. But she’d been going on a lot about God and angels lately, so it felt kind of like scrolling through her new boyfriend’s Instagram.
Much Obliged
On Tuesday I had to drag the garbage can back to its little pen myself, but the trick repeated itself that Friday, my not being able to break away from my keyboard until after one, when I’d finished my list of recommended Roto-league pick-ups for the following week (Buy: Juan Soto. No shit.)