On Speaking

by Devon Webb

I’ve never had a secure romantic attachment till this one so I guess I’m less familiar with conversations that are not conflict // I have a million things I want to say but I’m too busy kissing you // & when I finally get put on the spot my blush is brighter than my speech

Please god, let me get the words out just one time // let me be verbally poetic for a single precious moment // how do I make my heart stop spinning like a…… free spin wheel // please can I land on green // can I get this bitch on lock

tie me down to the decks of us on our knees for each other // only I’m standing cos it’s more dignified // but I am on my feet for you on your knees // you are looking up at me with those big boyish eyes // & I am looking at not you I am looking at me // like a spyglass to my own stumbling soul

& then I get my fucking shit together & I look at you some more // really! I never stopped looking! // you are a meteor coming for my nomadic throat // you are the opposite of too sudden // you are the perfect patience // you are the springtime in Narnia // you are the wardrobe door

look honey, Winter always came & I never did // but with you I’ve been coming all Summer // I’ve been so seriously unserious // I’ve been impractically giddy // I’ve been so full of the opposite of shit // I don’t know how to post it on the internet

All these words with your name on them // & all I’ve got is a soft-launch meme campaign // all this!! raw! emotion! // & I don’t know how to not make a joke // or a poem // a million metaphors for something so real

Honey // engage me // give me your most straight-faced proposition // cos I don’t know how to say can I say something crazy // I swear to god // I’m very dead-set on this // I just don’t know how to articulate it // cos it’s so much to speak right out loud.

Devon Webb (she/her) is a writer & editor based in Aotearoa New Zealand. Her award-winning work has been published extensively worldwide & revolves around themes of femininity, vulnerability, anti-capitalism & neurodivergence. She is a staff writer for Erato Magazine & Pulp Lit Mag, an editor for Prismatica Press, & a founding member of The Circus (@circuslit), a collective prioritising radical inclusivity within the indie lit scene. She can be found on social media at @devonwebbnz.