the gyre

I’m so mentally ill all I do is shirk my duties / sometimes I remember that time over the summer I replaced “going to therapy” with “listening to French electro house” and I want to cry because I am currently doing both and neither are working / I have so many emails I marked as read because unread emails make me anxious but also I didn’t read them but also I know someone is “circling back” to something I am “overdue” on completing / the riff that Justice samples in their song Stress is rotating inside my head like the plate inside the microwave while I heat up my pesto pasta chicken for dinner / I always joke with my colleagues and I have a workload I supposedly can handle and my boss says “keep up the great work” but I wonder if anyone (myself included) comprehends how dire this is / sometimes late at night at work I think about putting myself through the vegetable dicer and turning into perfect cubes of bone and fat and viscera / oh look another email