bitch
When Eric’s mom first found out about Bella, she called her a bitch. Now, every time she calls him on the phone, she asks him how she’s doing and why they aren’t officially dating. One honestly can’t say whether his mom’s opinion of Bella has done a complete 180 or if she just desperately wants him to find someone (anyone) who will “take care” of her thick-headed baby boy. The baby boy who silently cried on her shoulder (for the first time since he wore nothing but cargo shorts and Spider-Man t-shirts) after he found out that his girlfriend (now ex) found out that he cheated on her.
Whatta little bitch that baby boy turned out to be, am I right?
Eric’s mom would disagree. In her eyes, the true bitch in this scenario was Bella. After all, Bella was the one who decided to DM her son’s (ex)girlfriend and tell her everything about their little night together months after it happened. The night when they got so high while watching Breaking Bad that they decided to cut the tension that had been building for two years and finally start sucking face.
“She didn’t message her out of the kindness of her heart, Eric! She did it because she’s just a sad person who was jealous of you guys and wanted to fuck it all up to feel important.”
Eric couldn’t help but disagree. He was flattered that his mom would try so hard to twist the situation in a way that made it so he wasn’t the bad guy. But the objective truth of the matter could not be denied. Eric cheated on his (ex)girlfriend. And he had every opportunity not to. He wanted it to happen. In his mind, this night with Bella was going to be the first of an ongoing affair. One that his (ex)girlfriend would never know about.
“What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her, right?” he said to Bella, who was also stoned on the couch.
“I mean, won’t you feel guilty about it, though?” she said
What Eric knew that his mom didn’t was that Bella was perhaps the most genuinely nice and morally pure person he had ever met. Growing up as a fundamentalist Christian will do that to you, I guess. Even if (like Bella) you decide to inevitably leave the church because the pastor won’t stop trying to grant your father’s wish and “pray the gay away.”
Eric and his (ex)girlfriend always assumed that Bella was 100% a lesbian, which is probably the only reason why the (ex)girlfriend allowed Eric to hang out with Bella in the first place. After all, Bella was dating a girl full-on when Eric first met her. Which (oddly enough) was the only thing that allowed him to calm the fuck down while he was with her and be his genuine self, free from all the anxiety-induced baggage that comes with interacting with someone of the opposite sex that you find unbelievably attractive.
This all changed when (months after Bella broke up with her girlfriend) she told Eric about a date she went on with a guy.
“Wait, a guy?” he said
“... yeah,”
“Oh, I just thought … you only liked girls.”
“What gave you that idea?”
Eric was stumped, realizing how obnoxious it was of him to assume Bella’s sexuality. And in that very moment, his anxiety had returned as he no longer saw Bella as just his “cool lesbian friend,” but as a piece of forbidden fruit he needed to take a bite out of.
“I’m sorry, but I just don’t think I can go through with it,” she said
“Why not?”
“It just wouldn’t be right.”
“It’s not like I’m planning on staying with her forever.”
“Then why are you with her?”
Eric was stumped (once again). But then he had an idea that increased his heart rate.
“I honestly don’t know. I want to break up with her. But I just can’t ever find the right moment, I guess.”
Bella sighed. “Yeah ... I get that. It seriously took me a month to finally break up with Peyton after realizing I wanted to.”
“So, how’d you do it?”
“I just had to tell it to her straight, I guess, and accept whatever came next.”
“Yeah … I guess I just have to stop screwing around and just do it already.”
“You’re seeing her tomorrow, right?”
“Uggh … yeah.”
“Let me know how it goes. Ya know, if you decide to do it.”
“Sure, I definitely will … do both of those things, I mean, ha.”
They both turned their attention back toward Bella’s TV as it lit up the dark living room. Eric turned his head toward Bella.
“So you wanna-”
“Yeah.”
They pounced on each other like wild animals.
Mission accomplished, he thought.
As I said, whatta bitch.
They made out furiously as she dry-humped the ever-living shit out of his leg. In the corner of his eye, he saw a new light that wasn’t the TV suddenly appear. It was coming from his phone on the coffee table beside him. It burst with light every time his (ex)girlfriend texted him. It was now almost 11 pm, and Eric had told her earlier that he would be home in time to FaceTime her before she went to bed. He hadn’t texted her back for almost an hour, and she began to worry.
Even though the (ex)girlfriend knew that Bella was a lesbian, she still was a little concerned that something could happen between her and Eric. This fear was entirely based on how obviously gorgeous she thought Bella was despite never actually seeing her in person.
The phone kept lighting up, but Eric tried his best to ignore it. He began to feel Bella up in an attempt to further excite himself. He slowly pushed her on her back as they started removing each other’s clothes. He yanked the condom out of his wallet but realized he didn’t need it due to still having a flaccid cock. He couldn’t stop thinking about his (ex)girlfriend. Along with what she must’ve been texting him at that very moment.
“What’s wrong?”
“Ah … god dammit,” he said as he got off of her and slumped on the couch as he started to put his clothes back on. Bella rose up and began to do the same. Once Eric’s khaki pants were back on, Bella looked over and put her hand over her mouth.
“Oh my god.”
“What?” he said as he looked down. “Oh my fucking god.”
There was a smeared stain of blood on Eric’s left leg that reached from the top of his knee to the bottom of his waist.
“What the actual fuck?” he said, staring down at it, trying to figure out how and where he injured himself.
Bella covered her face with her hands and softly slammed her head against the couch.
“I’m so sorry. I’m on my period.”
“And you're telling me that now?” he said with a chuckle.
Bella walked Eric down to his car (both in their blood-stained pants) as they laughed about what had happened.
On the drive home, Eric didn’t know how to feel. Wearing the period blood of a hot girl made him feel extremely cool for some reason, like it was a badge of honor or something. But he also wasn’t sure if he really wanted to break up with his (ex)girlfriend. By the time he got home, though, he had made up his mind; he was going to continue dating his (ex)girlfriend. And when he hangs out with Bella again, he is going to either lie and say he broke up with his (ex)girlfriend or tell her the truth and hope that Bella will still want to hook up with him. For some reason, Eric felt pretty confident that the latter would happen.
When Eric made it home, he finally Facetimed his (ex)girlfriend. He made up this bullshit story about how he smoked too much pot and threw up at Bella’s place. He couldn’t leave the toilet bowl for almost an hour, which was why he had taken so long to respond to her.
“Oh my god, hon, that sounds awful. Are you okay now?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just had to drive home reeeaaalllyyy slow, ha.”
“Yeah, I bet. Are you still pretty high?”
“Yeah, a bit.”
“But I thought your tolerance was, like, so high?”
“I thought so too, but whatever shit Bella had was something else.”
“Man, you poor thing. Well, thanks for still calling me even after all of that. You really didn’t have to.”
“Pfftt, are you kidding me? Literally, nothing could happen that would make me not wanna talk to you,” he said as he glanced down at the blood stain.
“You’re too sweet. Well, don’t let me keep you any longer. You should get some rest, hon.”
“Alright, yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”
“Goodnight. Sleep well, I love you.”
“Goodnight, hon. You sleep well, too. I love you.”
The next day, Eric hung out with his (ex)girlfriend as if nothing had happened. They went thrifting and cringingly posed in front of the mirrors while trying on every pair of sunglasses, making themselves laugh by making stupid faces. He was weirdly amazed by how he felt no guilt while he was doing all of this with her. He kind of got a kick out of how easy it was for him to keep such a monumental secret.
This must be how Superman feels. He thought.
Once again, whatta stupid fucking bitch.
The next time Eric hung out with Bella, he decided to try option B. To his surprise (but surely no one else's), Bella did not want to hook up anymore.
“Why?” he said.
“It just isn’t right.”
“But you went along with it last time!”
“Because you said you were going to break up with her!”
Eric was stumped (like the dumbass he is) and honestly couldn’t figure out why he thought this would go differently. Maybe it’s because after hearing about all of the affairs his dad took part in throughout his life, he thought they must be a dime a dozen.
Three months went by, and Eric made himself forget the whole thing. He stopped hanging out with Bella and told himself he was turning his life around. He told himself that he was disgusted by his behavior and couldn't believe that he was able to stoop so low. He believed that he was thankful that nothing happened with Bella and told himself that he couldn’t get his dick hard that night because he truly loved his (ex)girlfriend. Therefore, his body simply wouldn’t let him make such a monumental mistake. He had truly made himself forget the whole thing.
That November, Eric’s mom treated him and his (ex)girlfriend to a trip to Disney World for their one-year anniversary. They had a ball and took numerous pictures of themselves being in love throughout the day, mostly from when they repeatedly rode the PeopleMover in Tomorrowland. They got a real kick out of how intimate they could be during the brief time the ride left the outside world and went through a pitch-black tunnel. Each time they rode the ride and went through this tunnel, they would play a game where they would try to get as grossly affectionate as possible but then see how quickly they could switch back to normal and appear as if nothing was going on as they exited the tunnel for anyone and everyone to see.
Later that night, Eric posted all of these photos of them on his Instagram for the whole world to see (including Bella), which was when she decided to make her confession to the (ex)girlfriend.
Eric was sitting on the couch watching White Lotus with his family when he checked his phone and saw a text from his (ex)girlfriend that was a screenshot of the message she had just received from Bella.
hey i used to be a friend of eric’s and he cheated on you with me. he told me he was breaking up with you the next day when he was going to visit you in gainesville and i believed him. he wanted to do it again about a week later but when i asked about you he said he couldn’t bring himself to break up with you and he kept trying to convince me to do it with him. i told him it was wrong of him and we haven’t been friends since. he also said that he didn’t plan on being with you long term and that he just wanted the comfort of the relationship right now. i wanted to tell you when it happened, but i couldn’t find your insta until tonight. i’m really sorry.
His heart dropped into his stomach. He stared at the message for a moment but then stood up and tried to casually say to his family, “I’ll be right back,” as he walked upstairs to his room. Once he got to his room, he closed the door and saw that she texted him again.
Im assuming her account got hacked?
She somehow didn’t believe it.
She must really love me. He thought.
Eric jumped at this opportunity and began furiously typing away.
Dude what the fuck?
Yeah i guess so
Thats really specific tho
Like how would the hacker know you live in gainesville and shit
I know
Thats the only thing that i was like
huh?
Do you have her number that you could ask her
Its hilarious that it would be Bella too bro
Yeah ima try to text or call her to make sure
I didn’t even know she had instagram again
Did you respond at all?
Nah i haven’t
Should i?
Like see what she’ll say just for the fun of it? Lol
Eh idk about that lol
I don’t think it’s a hacker
Could just be her maybe
Yeah it might make my overthinking
run even more wild lol
She’s told me about her doing Some questionable things in the past
Oh
Stuff like this?
And why would she do it to you/me nonetheless?
Beats me
We haven’t really talked that much recently
Just about school stuff
And isn’t she supposed to be gay?
Yeah she definitely is lol
She told me once that her and her ex used to kinda sabotage relationships sometimes
Like hangout with a boyfriend or girlfriend of someone and kinda make the other think weird things by posting stuff
So like even if you were to do that
why would she say you guys did it??
That’s why they found it fun ig
That’s so stupid
Yeah when she told me that it kinda made me look at her differently lol
Mmmm just makes me dislike her even more ngl lol
I looked at her insta and that picture honestly kinda doesn’t even look like her
Idk maybe it’s just the photo lol
Are you sure you’re alright tho?
You’re not thinking it’s true right?
It did make my heart drop when I first read it but like the moment I was done i knew it couldn’t be true
I trust you 100% and if you say it’s not true then i believe you hon
Thank you love that really means a lot
I’m thinking how i would feel in your shoes and idk that would just break my heart
Yeah I am a little shaken from it just cause idk makes me overthink more
That last time we hung out too she was acting really weird
So idk maybe she had feelings or something
Maybe
Would you be okay not hanging out with her?
At least not for a good while?
Just to kinda ease my nerves if that’s okay
Lmaoooo oh no hon it’s over with her
After last time I’ve had no intention of hanging out with her
I don’t want you to feel like I’m controlling who you can hang out with though or anything like that
Cause i know you do have a good time with her most of the time
Eh we just smoke pot lol
I can do that with anyone
Are you sure?
Of course dude
Are you sure you’re alright tho?
I can only imagine how scary that must’ve been for you
Yeah i’ll be okay i think
I might just be a little overthinky for a bit
Thank you for all of that and reassuring me hon
It means a lot
I really do trust you and could never see you doing anything like that
Thank you love it’s good to know how much you really trust me
I do kinda wanna ask her questions
For the fun of it ngl lol
I would advise against that hon lol
At least wait until i’m with you to join in on the fun lmaoo
I think we should just block her
“He told me about it and he said
You’d be down for a threesome, are
You still in for that?”
HAHAHAHAHA
LMAOOOOOO
Oh my god love lol
I know I don’t have to ask, but it didn’t happen right?
I just gotta have a yes or no for my overthinking
Nothing happened hon
I promise you
I would never do that to you
You’re the love of my life and I don’t want to be with anyone but you
I know you wouldn’t
Thank you hon
I love you
& i love yoooouuuu
I’m so sorry for the scare
It’s not your fault, you don’t have anything to apologize for
But i’m gonna keep the message and we can have some fun with it next time we hang out and then block her together on both of our stuff
Ok
I wish i could just give you a huge hug rn
I miss you so much
I miss you too
A moment passed.
You don’t feel like you need any closure on why she did it though?
I mean i know i would, i do now tbh
Even though i don’t even know her
But that’s also just me
I let things bother me more too than
You do too probably lol
Lmaooo true
Idk i might text her
I’ll definitely let you know if I hear anything
Are you okay if i text her too then?
Idk just leaving something unsaid
Just bothers me
What do you want to say?
Idk just ask questions and see what she says
Or try that threesome thing lol
Is it okay if you just don’t love?
Maybe we can do it when you get home?
Like facetime and do it?
Idk i just don’t wanna cause more drama
I don’t think it’d really cause any drama though would it?
Cause it’s over text and not really effecting any of us since it didn’t happen right?
Cause like if there’s nothing to be ccared of or info to be hidden then everything she says is just a lie and I know that and you know that so does it really hurt?
If that makes sense
It would also help with closure on
Both sides if she does admit she’s lying too
Idk that’s my thought process
Cause if it truly is her i have no
Sympathy towards her for trying to ruin our relationship by spewing lies no matter what she’s gone through in the past
It doesn’t excuse that
Does that make sense?
Two straight minutes passed as Eric typed his response, and the (ex)girlfriend patiently waited.
Here’s the thing love. Something did happen. I’ve been wanting to come clean for awhile now but my thought process was that i had to prove myself to you that it was just a one time thing where i fucked up. I had to put some time in between it to show you how far i went after that without doing anything like that. To show you how much i regretted it. I regretted it as soon as it happened. When we hung out that one time she started kissing me. We smoked as you know and idk i don’t remember it all that clearly. But all we did was kiss and she wanted to do more but i felt guilty. I left her place and knew immediately i made a mistake and didn’t want to do it again. She wanted to hangout again and i agreed because i was sure that nothing would happen but she kept wanting to and i was adamant that i didn’t want to. She felt hurt and that’s why we haven’t been hanging out. That’s the honest to god truth love. I swear to god that i was planning on telling you eventually i just wanted to make it a thing that happened a long time in the past so that you wouldn’t have any trouble trusting me in the future. I love you so much hon. Whatever you need from me to make this right i will do. I am so sorry. It breaks my heart lying to you so i just had to come clean.
A moment passed.
Okay.
Eric and his (ex)girlfriend didn’t talk for the rest of the night. The next morning, he texted her:
Good morning love <3
I hope you’re doing alright
(link to the song The Curse by Yellow Days)
The (ex)girlfriend couldn’t help but roll her eyes at this. She sent a screenshot of this message to her best friend, and they had a good laugh as they proceeded to call Eric a dumbass bitch in so many ways. Later that night, she finally messaged him back, and they made plans to meet outside a coffee shop that night.
They met at the coffee shop, sitting outside so no one would bother/see them. She cried. He begged for forgiveness. She pretended to consider not taking him back. He promised her nothing like that would ever happen again. She said she “knew her worth.” For reasons still unknown, Eric’s first instinct was to laugh after she said this. He had to hide his smirk with his folded hands in front of his mouth and played it off like he was getting more emotional. It wasn’t what she said but how she said it; it was like she was the strong female protagonist of a bad young adult novel.
He said he loved her. She said she loved him too. They hugged. They kissed. They went back to their parents’ houses.
For the weeks that passed, it was shockingly easy for them to get back into the swing of things as if nothing happened. Then, he broke up with her almost a year later.
Say it with me now: WHAT A BITCH!
After he broke the news to her, she held onto a hug from him in the front seat of his car. A tear rolled down her face and splattered on the top of his gear shift knob. The tear slowly rolled down from the top of the knob down to the leathery base. For reasons unknown, this image is the main thing Eric remembers from this moment.
On the way home, Eric drove in silence. He was expecting to have some big emotional moment with himself, but nothing was happening. He expected to feel some kind of post-breakup catharsis, but he didn’t. He didn’t feel much of anything. He felt like he should’ve felt something. Relief, at least, which he partially did, but only from the fact that he knew he no longer had to watch and respond to multiple cringe TikToks a day from her. But besides that, he felt nothing.
All he knew for certain was that he was positive he didn’t want to be with her anymore. He knew it was fucked up, but he couldn’t help but lose respect for her when she took him back after the whole Bella situation. He knew that if it was the other way around, there was no way he would’ve stayed with her. That very fact just proved that they didn’t love each other in the same way.
This feeling of emptiness stayed with Eric for the entirety of the next school semester. He floated through life as he occasionally hooked up with people from Tinder or Hinge, the life he thought he was missing out on.
On the first day of the semester, Eric walked into his first class, Intro to Shakespeare, and couldn’t believe who he saw sitting down: Bella. She pretended to not see him, and he did the same as he sat on the complete opposite side of the classroom. This is how it went for the entirety of the semester. Eric decided to utilize all of his excused absences during the month they read Othello. The irony of the professor always making him read as the heartbroken Othello and Bella as the falsely accused Desdemona was too much for him. Every time Eric saw Bella talking to one of the students around her, he was certain she had told them everything.
On the last day of class, Eric convinced himself to approach Bella and apologize for everything. He slowly gathered his things once they were dismissed to ensure that he would be close enough to her to get her attention as everyone walked out. He walked behind her and kept adjusting his mouth to say her name but couldn’t muster up the courage to do so. Feeling creepy, he decided to walk in the other direction. After a few weeks, he decided to send her a text.
Hey I’m sorry for how late this is but I just wanted to reach out and apologize for everything. I know it all happened awhile ago now and we fr spent an entire semester in the same class just ignoring each other but I still feel like I owe you a huge apology. How I treated you and took advantage of you and lied to you was extremely uncool and just plain stupid and immature. I’m honestly really happy you reached out and told her everything. It made me have to deal with the consequences of my actions and genuinely want to become a better person. Knowing that you felt like you had to clear your conscience to her really shows me how much of a genuinely good person you are and makes me even more sorry for treating you the way I did. I honestly miss our friendship a lot and hate myself for throwing it all away in such an egregious and embarrassing way. Anway I don’t expect you to respond to this I just thought I should reach out because I couldn’t shake the feeling that I owed you an apology too. I hope you’re happy and doing well.
A few minutes passed.
hey thank you for reaching out I appreciated that. It sucked losing the friendship. I hope you’re doing well too.
Once again, Eric felt no catharsis. That emptiness was still unfilled.
On the third day of the following semester, Eric was walking down the hall to his first class and saw Bella sitting on a bench, looking at her phone. He walked right by her, pretending not to have noticed her, before realizing she must (once again) be in his class.
You gotta be fucking kidding me. He thought.
Since he wanted to avoid the awkwardness he felt throughout last semester, he realized the best thing to do was finally break the silence in person.
He walked up to her and just started talking with no real plan. He still has no recollection of what he said that day and only remembers the image of Bella having this blank expression on her face with a little frozen smile below her glistening green eyes. Bella has those kinds of eyes that are so big and so striking that you can project any emotion onto them. At this moment, Eric was projecting that Bella was feeling amused by his mania.
During his anxiety-induced word vomit, Eric decided to invite Bella to a housewarming party one of his friends was having that weekend. To his surprise, Bella agreed.
At the party, Eric introduced Bella to everyone, including this guy, Daniel, who asked Eric if Bella and him were a thing while she was in the bathroom. Eric said they weren’t and was forced to watch Daniel attempt to flirt with Bella the whole night by explaining to her all of the gigs his band was slated to perform that month. To Eric’s amusement and thankfulness, Bella was very obviously disinterested. Bella is the type of person who is incapable of being fake for the sake of politeness or to avoid any awkwardness. This characteristic has always amused Eric.
Afterward, Eric and Bella went to his place. Once they got there and spent a few moments playing with his cat, they fucked. They continue to fuck every weekend.
Still no catharsis.
Today, Eric has had a bit of a “breakdown.” He went to some free therapy sessions on campus and bawled his eyes out to some total strangers. He tells them he hates himself. He misses the voice in his head. The inner monologue we all have. His is gone. He just doesn’t want to talk to himself anymore, he says. He doesn’t say that he’s suicidal, but he enjoys walking into the street without looking if a car is coming. He knows if he saw one coming, he would be too much of a bitch to walk out in front of it.
The stupidity and cruelty of his actions are catching up to him, I suppose. He used to be able to hide behind the excuse that he was once content with being a heartless cheater because his brute father was a cheater.
He subconsciously taught me it was okay. Doesn’t every son want to be just like their father?
When saying this, Eric knows the real truth is that he’s just being weak. If you catch Eric after he’s smoked a shit ton of weed, he’d tell you that his father's actions should’ve had the exact opposite effect on him. After all, Eric did see the damaging effects of being a cheater firsthand growing up.
After hooking up consistently for a straight year, Bella says she loves him. Eric says he loves her, too. And he does. I mean, he’s pretty sure he does. He’s scared that maybe he just loves the narrative that falling in love with Bella would imply: that the whole shitshow of infidelity happened for a reason. And now it’s all finally okay. Unless you’re the ex-girlfriend, of course. It eats Eric up knowing how much pain she had to go through just for him to figure his shit out. She was the last person who deserved any of that. Now, she’s the one who is forced to look at Eric and Bella’s Instagram photos of them being cringy and “in love.”
Sometimes, Eric gets in his head and questions what Bella sees in him. After all, how can she love him after seeing him at his absolute worst? How can she trust him that he’ll never do to her what he once tried to do with her, no matter how long ago it was?
Despite this conflict, he still brings Bella to almost every family gathering, and she brings him to hers. When he first introduced her to his mom, she hugged Bella and said how nice it was to finally meet her. Later, when she went to ask Bella a question, she accidentally referred to her by the ex's name.
“So, Becca, do you want anything to drink?”
Anthony Landicini is currently earning a BA in creative writing at Florida State University. He also has a cat named Grace.